Carolanne B. McLean

The Wonders of Worship

Choruses for the Nations


28 Dec 2012

About - "Lord I Adore You"

I have not yet come across someone who was abused who was not hard to capture while they were still recovering. It can be very hard to keep lending yourself to trusting people after having been abused, isolated or having suffered ostracization. I believe abuse of any kind serves to keep you from realizing who you were meant to be. It keeps your focus on 'you', creating a very self-centered world from which it is hard to escape. I also believe abuse serves to blur your vision of who God is meant to be in your life, because the abused tend to equate how people have treated them with how God will treat them.

I remember feeling that way toward God. Over and over again He would cause the most wonderful things to happen for me and, though I would rejoice in the moment, later I would still shy away and expect the worst from him for anything I said, did or thought. It would bring me to tears when He would cause the smallest wonders to happen for me, but I still could not understand why He would bother. After all, I was still hurting inside as my mind constantly replayed the horrible things that had happened to me and continued to happen at the hands of people. I had learned to mask my hurt with anger and fierce rejection of anyone who tried to be nice to me because, in my very battered mind, to show trust and vulnerability was to show weakness. Though my ability to trust goodness had been severely and effectively undermined, God took the time to pursue me and rebuild me.

I have heard many people say they pursued God. But I remember my experience the other way around. He pursued me. He pursued me by sending people to do nice things for me or say nice things to me, sometimes even total strangers. He pursued me by allowing me to feel the comfort of his Spirit in my most wounded times. He pursued me by helping me understand his words in the Bible. No matter how many times I asked, it was never too many for him and my questions were never stupid! Each new thing He made clear to me made me feel special and valued; like I was so important that He wanted to help me understand even the smallest thing!

Over the years I began to fly inside because I realized I had accepted into my heart a friend, teacher, scholar, guide and everything else that I could not find in a human person, not to mention He is never wrong about anything! Through His love and compassion in pursuing me, I came to adore God and still work very hard to keep everyone and everything else off the pedestal in my heart except him!

As I allowed God to get closer to me; mean more to me, I began to come out of my hardened shell and reach out to love people the way God loved and still loves me. It's not always easy, especially when I keep getting bitten by those that are still hurting just the way I used to bite people, but it gets easier with practice. I have to constantly remind myself that people bite for many reasons other than just how they may or may not feel about me. Bites, soft or hard, come from anger at other things, fear, low self-worth, a need to prove oneself superior or acting out based on something that happened to them right before they bit me and a host of other things. The point is, I try to remember how I was feeling when I was a biter. I try to remember all that was going on inside me and how many times the reactions I gave were not really ones I wanted to give, rather reactions that had been conditioned into me because, while my intellect was continuing to evolve, I became increasingly aware that my emotions were stuck at the age of my first and most traumatic abuses.

Nowadays my emotions and intellect are leveling out nicely. I have God, and years of correcting myself, when I found my reactions to things to be less than adult, to thank for that miracle. I cannot tell you how many times over the years (and still) I have had to apologize to people for my reactions to certain things and ask God to help me to exhibit behaviors that would make Him a proud Father.

Funny thing. The more I heal, the more I want healing for other people. That may not always be an up close and personal thing, but I know it is an important thing in which to engage. Now that I understand the wealth of healing, health, knowledge and love God extends to even the most hurt and hardened person, I would do Him no justice if I was not willing to share my wounds; just the way He shared his wounds with me through his Son; so that others can experience present healing. It is that desire to share that lets me know my once frozen and stunted emotions and heart have caught up with the intellectual adult I have become.

If you are reading this article, the true and living God is pursuing you and has brought you here to open up your heart to the wonders of His healing love! There is absolutely nothing you have done that will keep God from loving you! Nothing! Ask Him into your heart right now and He will come in! You have only to ask and believe! Though there are no magic words, I will help you. You can make this request and confession:

"God, I believe you sent your Son, Jesus, to die for me! I believe he (Jesus) was bruised, battered and beaten beyond recognition. I believe that he (Jesus) died from his wounds to pay for everything I would one day do wrong. After he died, I believe he (Jesus) rose from the dead with great power and victory! I believe he (Jesus) will come again to take me to live with him eternally and on that day I will never have to feel pain of any kind ever again! Jesus Christ, you are Lord! Please, come live in my heart and fill me with your Holy Spirit"

The instant you believe these things, you will know! You will know for sure that all you have heard about the power God has to raise the dead is true, real and now right inside you, bringing your damaged heart back to life!

Prayer: "May you come to know the God who found me, pursued me, broke through my hardened shell with his tender love; who keeps cutting away the things that threaten to keep me stunted and fractured, and who never forgets even my smallest need. May you come to love the God who can make your battered heart new again!"

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." - Psalms 51:10

"Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God." - Joshua 23:11



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